How cute they are.
Babies are adorable unless your dating one. In The Good Enough Lover the baby is described as “Are you my mother?” and “Mother and father,”
This person does not want to be responsible for him or herself. This person is looking for a mother or father figure to guide them. They not only feel that they need someone to tell them where to work,what to do, how to spend their money etc. they like it. They seek out one who “will take care of everything.” This makes life easy for them. They don’t concern themselves with how much work this gives you. They eventually revert back to infant giving up all responsibility to their partner. This makes them irresponsible, unpredictable and whether or not you wanted children you have one now.
The parent; This is the parent in this relationship. This person looks for someone that they can rule. They don’t want to be with someone that can think for themselves, it makes them feel unwanted or not needed. They take charge and never give it back. They control the money, time and dynamics of the relationship.
Do either of these characteristics sound familiar? Are you the parent or the child?
There are probably deep seated reasons as to why a grown up would want to be involved in this type of relationship. If the answer eludes you this may be a good time to consult a professional.
Most of us are familiar with Norman Bates and how his parental obsession manifested itself. We don’t want it to get that bad.
Being an adult is not always fun. There are benefits of course, such as: you controlling what you eat and having unchaperoned sleep overs but paying bills having and keeping a job and maintaining a place to live can be a bummer. This makes being a baby kind of reasonable. If your “parent” in the relationship is taking care of all your serious challenges like money why grow up? The “parent” also has some advantages. They own you baby. You can’t even get a soda without asking. How this is a turn on baffles me.
For a man the pro’s to being a baby are possibly: no job, no cleaning up after your self, no bills, no cooking etc. The con’s: No money, no money being at the complete mercy of a control freak.
For women the pro’s: no job, no bills, an allowance (you probably have to still cook and clean sorry) The con’s: They own you baby in every sense of the word.
There are definite problems with any scenario where you give up control of yourself or life to another person. Get to the root of what it is you desire in this life and if you need a parent go home to your actual parents. If this is not possible then find a friend or relative that can guide you to adulthood. Rarely can happiness be achieved when there is someone else holding the reins. If you are the child the parent will not let you grow for fear that they will lose you. If you are the adult the child will never stop depending on you ever. Being tied to another person rather that in a relationship with mutual love, respect and free will is the fulfillment we should be seeking.
Non stop love songs - link (play me)
Greek words for love
- Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē) means love in a “spiritual” sense. In the term s’agapo (Σ’αγαπώ), which means “I love you” in Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of “true unconditional love” rather than the attraction suggested by “eros.” This love is selfless; it gives and expects nothing in return. Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the “love chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial and spiritual love. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit). Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for one’s children and the feelings for a spouse, and it was also used to refer to a love feast. It can also be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard. Agape is used by Christians to express the unconditional love of God.
- Éros (ἔρως érōs) is “physical” passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. Romantic, pure emotion without the balance of logic. “Love at first sight”. The Modern Greek word “erotas” means “intimate love;” however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, “without physical attraction.” In the Symposium, the most famous ancient work on the subject, Plato has Socrates argue that eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth, the ideal “Form” of youthful beauty that leads us humans to feel erotic desire – thus suggesting that even that sensually based love aspires to the non-corporeal, spiritual plane of existence; that is, finding its truth, just like finding any truth, leads to transcendence. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth through the means of eros.
- Philia (φιλία philía) is “mental” love. It means affectionate regard or friendship in both ancient and modern Greek. This type of love has give and take. It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.
- Storge (στοργή storgē) means “affection” in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in “loving” the tyrant. (wikipedia)
Valentines Day has come and gone so we can stop focusing on romance and love. We can stop thinking about the ones we desire (sometimes) and go back to everyday life.Those of us that are involved in new relationships, deep in the throes of three months bliss can relax. You don’t have to feel rushed into commitment anymore.
For the ones who have a long-lasting relationship, you can resume whatever it is that you do to let your partner know that you care, occasionally.
Don’t allow a calendar or commercial holiday dictate how and when we can express our love.
You should to do this everyday in little ways, in big ways, in any way we can. How rare and special it is to find your one true love. It’s worth doing it more than one day a year.
The new movie Her starring Joaquin Phoenix and Amy Adams with the voice of Scarlett Johansson is receiving rave reviews. The movie is about a lonely man and his relationship with his operating system. He falls in love with his computer.
My first thought was that this was a quirky vision of our present lives. So many of us have become so dependent on our cell phones, tablets, PC’s and laptops we can’t remember what our lives were like before them. I don’t know how I ever arrived or found any place without my GPS can you?
When I showed the trailer to my husband however, he gave me a totally different perspective. ”Shut it off”, he said. “That is so depressing.” At first I didn’t understand. It’s just a silly movie about a guy that loves SIRI. I know I love her so what’s depressing about that?
“He’s so lonely that he falls for a computer program? That’s so sad.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about it. He’s right. It is very sad. I thought about the game Second Life. The interactive game where you live through your avatar in a virtual world. The very systems that have connected us in ways we could have never imagined have also done the exact opposite simultaneously. People who had a difficult time connecting with others for whatever reason, shyness perhaps, now don’t have to. We don’ t need to call we text. We don’t need to say “thank you” or “your invited” or “get well.” We simply send an e-card or email. Depending on how much you care you can animate it, or personalize it.
The people who reviewed this film were interesting too making comments that suggested that the film was an exploration of the complexity of love. Really? The computer captured the essence of love? That’s one hell of a programmer.
Loneliness and heartbreak are the reason for this relationship and although Joaquin’s character is portrayed as happy and fulfilled this is somehow sadder. This movie is set in the future and this made me feel grim. A future where we don’t need human contact to be happy? Let’s remember that the common serial killer is often described as a loner. A person who was quiet and kept to themselves. A person who was for whatever reason isolated and had no friends or family. This is not to say that loners are serial killers it is however part of the profile.
A newborn without human contact can die because of failure to thrive. We are a social species and countless studies have shown for example that people in love relationships live longer. When we talk to one another we often express the need and desire to find love and ways to keep it if we are fortunate enough to have found it already. Online dating sites are more popular than ever with many people open to what used to be unconventional ways of meeting.
So why is this whimsical romance seen as so favorable by critics and viewers? I can understand the attachment to our electronic assistants. I don’t know how I would live without facetime to see my children who live far away. I often find myself asking my phone the silliest questions like what her favorite football team is or what does the fox say but could she (they) replace my human companions or connections? Never.
I remember the time before they existed. I remember a time when I was not obsessed with having an outlet nearby. I remember going outside to play instead of 7 little words. I remember the blind date being set up by a friend with good intentions and bad taste. I would gladly go back to those days of having to call someone to set up a visit and mailing a note to someone you miss.
On those days when I’ve felt overwhelmed or sad nothing can replace being held by my love or consolation from a close friend or relative. I would never trade the visits from my children with a text or Skype it’s not the same no matter what your computer or Spike Jonze says.
We should seek out a human connection. The future should be one where our devices help us maintain the relationships we have. They should stay in our pockets when we are out so that we can look into one another’s faces. They should be a backup to human interaction not the interaction itself.
On the day most of us will gather with our families or people we love we must remember..this is a day to enjoy one another not complain. This is a day to be thankful, however you may view your life. This is a day to forgive, better yet, forget, time is fleeting. Thanksgiving day is not therapy day. So go home or come home and eat, drink, laugh. Happy Thanksgiving.